gasping for air

“A friend may well be reckoned a masterpiece of nature”. Emerson wrote.

death of a friend or family member leaves you alone. obviously i guess, but since my mom died shortly before thanksgiving i realize i have no parent on the planet. this is scary.

we had a memorial service for her of which i recounted a time line of her life which will be coming out in pieces in following blogs. the best thing that carried me through the delivery was having friends in the audience. family and fiends let me not distance family from friends. friends from my current job and friends who have been around my family for years.

the biggest catalyst for a weeping spell is looking at cards different people have sent. it’s not the card so much as who took the time to send one. and its left me in honor of them being…

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Sticky vs slimy

The day ended in a snowy 2+ inches. Drawing traffic here in Lancaster to a crawl. I watched and was engrossed in work as everyone in the office got in their cars and went home. Dreading the bus commute , or worce the waiting. Wishing the pizza place sold beer. 

I watched the computer track the bus it hardly moved. I checked the greenhouse walking along adjusting doors and heat. I was ready to hurry and wait. The small group waiting was getting larger, cars with single passengers passed so slowly you could almost hear a song off the radio in total.

My feet are Cold. Standing on the packed snow. The bus comes 45 minutes late. Standing room only. There was eight of us standing. My feet are freezing. The heat is working it’s the floor so cold.

45 minutes later I get off. Lancaster brewery is at the stop so I go in to warm up. Having a winter warmer brew my feet get warm and I’m able to walk on the packed snow sidewalk s without feeling cold again.

Joy of joy there’s warm food . And a lovely wife. Fed and warmed we off to the nieghbers for a game night, what a great way to end a week. 

The game is a bracket game like basketball. This or that and you vote on the winner. Majority rules. Some where bears or wolf. Sticky or slimy, toe nails or knuckles.

It’s fun, but as one debates you get a metephiscle and moral and epistemology aspects. Like under water or underground. Ecology,life sustainable support of the planet. 

I slept well.

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parked in

the door closes in my brief moment of making “it” right. left yet again in my introverted insecurities i fail to meet my own or anybodies expectation.

i get so mad at drivers who feel its their duty to direct traffic at stop signs. i honk in madness. then i realize my phone is missing. call my phone i ask, where was i last. o hasten to the scene . at the counter it was found some one picked it of the road and walked it in. o it could have been. so much worse.

sleep comes as it does now with a shiver and and wish. but i close the door. why am i me? cant i see. fire place fire in the morning flashes warmth, aaahh.

100 pushups blood flowing. walk to bus a simple breeze.

dogs growl, what ?

is this my emotion journal? are there those that really wonder at the time?  in drive bring it to the road ahead, the heart spirit my come latter.

warrior poet? na just a punk in grey


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Posted in bus commute, depression, journal, life over 50, old age, random thought, Warrior Poet

Pearl drops

Son therapist. 

Sunshine, as morning arrives, glance at the first light.while the sun is low enough not to hurt the eyes. 

Therapy for a torn soul. Eyes the window of the soul. Light from the source will raise the joy and bridge the cassims of broken dreams.

The source of light, the source of life. Shining into the soul exposing all told.

Darkness slips, to shadows that hide. Will there be a time shadows are no more. 

Don’t go light! 

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speckled hens

this era of time called old age is a fight of sanity.

those things held as canon are torched if miss aligned from their respective reality. such as i don’t smoke or drink because i’m a christian. christian prison some call it. the miss alignment comes from a wrong concept of bible truth. i’m saved only by gods grace through the redemptive sacrifice and resurrection of his son Jesus. am i mad at god?

loneliness is a quick moving fog over the internal landscape of reason. the fast pace life of making a difference, of child rearing of business or educational pursuits….stop at a stop sign of why. Now what?

pains in the body when movement was effortless erode confidence in normal activities of walking , running is off the table! how much icy/hot ointment will it take?

patience, have you talked to my steering wheel lately? petty annoyance from the stupids all around me leave me wondering if i’m the only normal? then maybe they are and i’m not?

are answers, perspective, true understanding only after the grave?





Posted in depression, journal, light, random thoughts, religion, Warrior Poet


Joy killing brain intoxicated chain.

Blame it on my geans . Na

It’s my own damn fault.

Hank Williams  country singers they have something

Joy..happiness a gift from God. Is it that I’m not seaped into His person?

Physical pain, cloudyness, no affermation ……it’s the human side. 

Chance hello and chat, on the sidewalk, bring a spark a connection. That’s lifting. Making breakfast for my wife that’s lifting. 

Exhausted exhausted exhausted….throw me a rope! 

Read your Bible you fool. Says the voice. My …toxic person s affected my spirit so quickly.

My wife stobility my weather vein . My relief..

Rain. Plants . insects. Soil. Work. …..pleasure.

I don’t care if I don’t spell right .

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good Fri

This is Joel

Good Friday lesson alone with Dutchman breaches.

This is the time the captives are free.

Our savior alone doing his father’s will. Bringing his church to freedom.

Let your light so shine before men.

Jonah over people he didn’t am I so to be?

Ephemeral plants Cascades on a baron slopes. 

Habacuk watch tower over injustice.

He’s in the grave preaching to the dead. Me

Reserection hope.

Watch wait my grace is sufficient

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