The last five years has been a turbulence of pain, physically and emotionally.
Let me be clear from the onset, I know my only hope in life a death is that I belong to Jesus the Lord.
Four years ago,I think I hyperextend my left hand and was not able to regain use for many months. ( When playing soccer don’t step on a rolling ball while running on asphalt….just saying). Today I can hardly move my left knee without pain. I’ve either got arthritis or inflammation in miniscus. ( When your 62 you aren’t 25, just saying).
Last year I had nerve pain. Sciatic, herniated disc in lower lumbar. Big big pain down leg. My mother had nerve damage.
My mother was parylized on the left side. Her left hand had no use her left leg she had to limp and lift it with assistance. The irrony is not lost. Is this Good reminding me to grieve more, or a simple coincidence- of which I don’t believe in. (Coincidence is not real everything has a purpose, I think.)
I’ve lost a good friend to cancer at the same timeish my mom died. I watched her die. It’s a great time because you know there are angels in the room ushering the dead to the arms of Jesus.
I feel like I have to fight the mind that wants me to rationalize everything, thus betraying my premises of coincidence. Did I greived more for my friend then my mother?
My sciatic nerve is ok, I have a stronger core and back. But did I neglect my legs? My hand is fine yet not as strong. But I find squeezing rubber balls and playdo helpful.
Probably not but it’s a question that arrises. This year there has been six deaths. All ages. It’s a grief ambush for me. Some you know where going to happen soon, but the young , the hole is different. Me being a bit more empathetic then the average lumps everything like this together and I go on and on feeling everyone else’s pain that was associated with the death..
My son Sam was reading out of the book Isaiah when his father in law passed. I wasn’t reading when my mom deid. I was reading Isaiah close to when my grandma deid. I obviously rejoice I have a son doing that. But my brain keeps throwing weeds in my thoughts.
I have a half brother who has had multiple cardiac arrest s and several sesures , this too weighs heavy. I have no idea where spell check is.
Our pastor spoke through the book of Joel. Lament,repent and live as God is present. Living as God really is here is not easy. If Christian’s really did that no one would be lonely. Hate wouldn’t be the first thing some people groups think when they hear the word Christian.
I don’t know how to conclude this. Believe it or not I’m happy. I want to hear your story. I want to call my uncle, my high school friend in Montana, I want to keep loving my wife.
I want to know where spell check is on my smart? Phone