living in grief; the new normal

I attended a grief share meeting last night. I attended because i get ambushed allot. A song, a noise, a sight repels me down the cliff of sobbing.This is all normal, they say, and i believe them. But it’s true I have to redefine normal.

Normal now is different. I don’t have to get my mom toothpaste, or visit her or go to monthly care meetings. Normal is now my mom is not this handicapped lady in a wheel chair but a walking lady praising Jesus. normal for me is still being derailed by a song. Music so identifies a person with a place and time.

When mom had her 50 year anniversary of praise for surviving this long. The anniversary was a look at the car accident that broke her neck and paralyzed part of her body leaving her handicapped. The event was at her church in Seminole Florida. She sang a song from her wheel chair. Just give me Jesus.

normal for me is realizing guilt is really ridiculous to hold on to. All parents are not that great at everything all the time. When a christian dies and sees Jesus the person is whole un hindered from the lousy jerk they where on earth. I’m not saying my mom was lousy , its me and my relationship to her was not always pure so it didn’t get fixed before she died. and i think its not about between her and me that my attitude needs to be fixed but between me and Jesus.

Ive never thought Heaven will be like a walk down memory lane asking questions of what people did or said or ment. I don’t think we will be anything like we expect. I think what ever it will look like God will be so happy to get us with out the cloak of sin derailing our worship of him.

Redefine normal The relationship is gone. mother son relationship. Its a void, normal is living with a void. and Understanding a new normal relationship. still figuring it out

Advertisements

Perennial plant propogator for Creekhill nursery. Over 40 years of experience with lots of plants from foliage, cut flowers, seasonal potted plants, annuals and perennials. A plant geek and nerd, i am

Tagged with: , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized
3 comments on “living in grief; the new normal
  1. Very real, personal post. I loved the parallel between your mother’s new normal (heaven) and yours (memories triggered by music)–it is all so touching and true.

  2. Judy b says:

    So many ways to miss someone

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

January 2013
M T W T F S S
« Dec   Feb »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
%d bloggers like this: