my dear friend,
I grieved just circulating the card for you. I knew I couldn’t make it through a viewing or service, even if I didn’t know anyone but you.I thought I was getting a handle on it but it’s ever fresh knowing what you are going through.
The inner void that arises when that loved one left, and knowing it will be empty because no one can fill it. This in the new normal or the new relationship, to that person. They as we, will never truly disappear, but live on, in spirit.
The ambush of emotion brought on by a gesture, a song, a phrase or another’s remark, will be expected. let it come, its ok,and vitally necessary, It’s a memorial to them, a cleansing of your soul, and a witness to your trueness.
I have had two dear ones leave the planet this fall and winter. And anytime there is a death in someone elses family I grieve. It’s an accumulation of sorrow from all the past grief that seem to over flow in a funnel in one moment.
There is no time limit for grief, no universal process, its your own timing and your own way. It doesn’t come with a manual,nor a guide its your own way. no one knows that way, not even you , just let it happen. The sudden anger will come, the sudden zoning out will come. Lack of vigor and physical blahs will come, its ok.
You will not be understood, they just don’t know yet. They aren’t the caring kind anyway, they think “get over it,” but that ridiculous. They actually just don’t know how to help, their grief is differently worked out.
I don’t know if this helps you but it helps me. Knowing the sorrow that flows in our lives as we get older and older is recognizing our humanity and gives us more compasion to share with others.