On the fourth of seven amazing hills, me and my bike where one. My stomach and body started to forgive me for binging Thursday night, and I was feeling very appreciative of life.
This particular hill on Snake Hill Road is a long climb with two small sharp grades. I amazed at how the rush of blood pumping and the gasping for oxygen can bring clarity to a frustrated depressed mind. This over all course was a 13 mile course from work to home. Through some of Lancaster county’s finest Amish farms land and a covered bridge and less traffic. Yes Amelia I weared my helmet. After all I was traveling under Black Walnut Trees and I didn’t want to get bombed by a squirrel.
The day started with a general frustration of not feeling like I honor my wife enough and a lingering grief from loosing friends. A feeling of not fitting in with guys who get together to drink and talk football fantasy. There-by whats wrong with my guyness? Nor feeling like i dialogue well when spontaneously getting questioned in any group.
I do think I need some counseling though, From some one who understands my personality type, I’m a NEUROTIC INTROVERT FEELING JUDGMENTAL and just an empathetic mess that just cant let lists of wrongs go. Forgiveness is central to my faith in Jesus but I just have felling walls that hardly let grace permeate to the heart and mind thoughts.
Take the mountain, that is rising in front with thigh burning madness to get to the summit. A new beginning to launch? Prayer the psalms and fellowship without cynicism. Is that my self imposed prescription?