At 58

Your not including me in your circle, are you. Some of you wonder at all the cool activities there are to do, now, you aren’t noticing my hand on the stabilizer wheel of your hopeful joy.
My language has turned from words to groans. Its a chore to say the right word rather then some noise that depicts mood.
Is it a curse of being a back ground person, a infj. A lonely only, or just a touch of blue?
Tinnitus is amplifier of all noise. I really can’t hear your first two words. So when I ask what? Don’t say something totally different. Just repeat as said.
The 30 something’s are taking over, finally. But I’m not keeping pace, I’m no wiser nor am I the model of intellectual and spiritual stability I thought I would be.
Chemicals are a friend. The reward for a work forgotten.
Tinnitus keeps me from silence. I can’t hear quiet. Its annoying.
I guard you still. My wife, my employee, my church. I’m the background of your smooth operation. Sorry I’m not more consistent.
I’m not coming over. Its not that I don’t want to, I just am not that versed on conversation. I’d be quiet and that would disturb you.
Can we play a game. How about darts. I can hit the board……


Perennial plant propogator for Creekhill nursery. Over 40 years of experience with lots of plants from foliage, cut flowers, seasonal potted plants, annuals and perennials. A plant geek and nerd, i am

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Posted in depression, life over 50, old age, random thoughts, tinnitus, Warrior Poet
One comment on “At 58
  1. Margaret Griffin says:

    Joel – I just love your musings….they are so honest. Be blessed my friend.

    Love, Peggy

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