Joy killing brain intoxicated chain.

Blame it on my geans . Na

It’s my own damn fault.

Hank Williams  country singers they have something

Joy..happiness a gift from God. Is it that I’m not seaped into His person?

Physical pain, cloudyness, no affermation ……it’s the human side.

Chance hello and chat, on the sidewalk, bring a spark a connection. That’s lifting. Making breakfast for my wife that’s lifting.

Exhausted exhausted exhausted….throw me a rope!

Read your Bible you fool. Says the voice. My …toxic person s affected my spirit so quickly.

My wife stobility my weather vein . My relief..

Rain. Plants . insects. Soil. Work. …..pleasure.

I don’t care if I don’t spell right .

Lament with me o church of Christ, my joy  is gone in worship, handcuff fed by sin.

Epilogue ……my joy is growing, identifying the locust , ( Joel chapter one). the stage and depth….learning lament and repentance. and just keep your head above water.


Perennial plant propogator for Creekhill nursery. Over 40 years of experience with lots of plants from foliage, cut flowers, seasonal potted plants, annuals and perennials. A plant geek and nerd, i am

Posted in depression, grief, journal, life over 50, old age, random thoughts, religion, true christian response
3 comments on “depression
  1. Peggy Griffin says:

    I appreciate your willingness to share your heart Joel. I know the darkness of depression and how it steals the energy and joy of living. King David knew it too and he cried out to God in his distress. David’s words have comforted my heart and soul many times. But God uses many different ways to meet our needs. Medication has kept me stable but God alone keeps me joyful…and No, I don’t run around with a silly grin on my face shouting “Praise the Lord” all the time. My heart aches when sad or painful things occur. But God IS faithful and joy comes after the darkness. You, Joel, are a man of faith and sensitivity…much like Tim. Do not lose hope. Continue to find comfort and pleasure in loving and serving the love of your life and making things blossom and grow. I love you my brother.

  2. jdibersenior says:

    Reblogged this on gasping for air and commented:

    life’s physical and emotional pain is met in community openness. having friends and relationships helps battle the thoughts that condemn.

  3. Peggy Griffin says:

    1 John 3:20

    If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

    You can win this battle Brother. Trust God’s heart that he is with you even in this time of darkness. Speak the truth of what you know Him to be. Cry out to Him and lean on the everlasting arms. You are loved.

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